Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
In a recent talk I heard, the topic of different kinds of love in the Biblecame up. Perhaps you’re somewhat familiar. But as a refresher, there are typically 3 distinct kinds of love in New Testament Greek: Eros, Filia, and Agape. Depending on the circumstances, we all experience these kinds of love throughout our lives to varying degrees. But something from the talk sparked an insight in me that I’d like to share with all of you.
First, a quick clarification of terms. When speaking of Eros, we’re mostly referring to romantic love for another person. Filia refers to friendship and family love, generally speaking. And Agape is usually meant to be a sacrificial, self-giving love for others. It’s more nuanced than that, but I can’t get into a full discourse over it. Looking at Agape in particular, this is the kind of love that we often ascribe to God. It’s an all-encompassing love that seeks the betterment of others, without any consideration of what benefit there is for ourselves. In other words, we might think of it as true charity. But that kind of love sounds hard to live out and in my own imperfections, it isn’t terribly appealing. And this is where the insight came in. The speaker was addressing Agape and said, “It’s a disinterested love.” He clarified that Agape isn’t without feeling or concern, but rather, is not seeking itsown self-interest.
So far, perhaps that’s not so insightful. But it got me thinking about how such a disinterested love is possible. We as human beings are made for relationship; with each other and with God. As such, there is a natural back and forth, of mutual benefit that we seek and need in dealing with other people. If one person only gives and the other only takes, that’s not a relationship at all, that’s likely a form of abuse. So how does Agape work then?
I believe that Agape and the arrival of true self-giving love only comes into its fullest when we hit height of spiritual maturity. The final stage of the spiritual life is known as the Unitive Stage and in it we experience the true heights of prayer. It is deeply mystical and defies description in many ways. But from the personal accounting from the saints, those in the Unitive stage are so united to God, that it changes how they view and experience the world around them. More specifically, they are totally filled by the love of God and are transformed by it. And being so filled with God’s love, individual saints report a kind of peace and fulfillment that they cease to seek their own gain. They become disinterested in their love and become freer to love others more generously and fully. May we all come to know and experience that kind of spiritual maturity and love for ourselves!
Peace and Goodness,
Fr. Dan
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